


Excerpt From a Fic I'll Never Write

by jjuu1l



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, I saw some of the dialogue from 'excerpts from a book i'll never write', M/M, Pre-Relationship, and I thought it fit, i might write more, idk - Freeform, idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-01 04:06:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12148275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjuu1l/pseuds/jjuu1l
Summary: They’d been sharing a joint on roof and talking about the first things that came to mind. Until Will admitted he didn’t want to fall in love.





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

> So this is from one of those 'Excerpt from a book I'll never write' that I saw and thought would fit them. Plus I actually edited this one? Like I'm a honestly really surprised with myself. Anyway I really hope you guys like this!

They’d been sharing a joint on roof and talking about the first things that came to mind. Until Will admitted he didn’t want to fall in love.

“How could you not want to fall in love?” Nursey asked staring at his friend*

*can also be read as teammate or roommate or crush or freckled prince from far, far, away.

His mind supplied a multitude of comparisons of freckles and far away galaxies. Meanwhile Dex only stares ahead, chewing on his lip as if considering the meaning of everything around him.

 “Easy. I don’t want my happiness to depend on whether a person gives me their attention or not. I don’t want to stay up late wondering whether they’re thinking about me. I don’t want to cry over someone who may not care. I don’t want to stare at my phone screen waiting for a text.” He gets quieter, and almost like an afterthought he whispers. “I don’t want to give anyone the power to destroy me.”

Nursey found himself to be a man of words. Will, a man of action. Nursey expressing his appreciation in compliments meanwhile Dex communicated his fondness in thoughtful gestures hidden behind a ‘convenience’. Nursey wielded his words to shelter himself all the while Will handled his actions to deflect prying eyes and curious ears.

Nursey found their differences to explain many of their disagreements.

Though in sharing a room came sharing their natures. Leading both to understand the other’s preferred method of, well, everything. Nursey learned that Will wet his toothbrush before putting on toothpaste. He watched as Will chirped his sisters over the phone and saved the tearful conversations for video calls. It amazed him as Will revealed more and more of himself as his jagged edges eroded into smoother, more refined bumps.

Which of course led Nursey to fall, for once not in the physical sense. He can’t count every poem he’s written over the last few months. Some dedicated to the galaxies warped around his body, some to his eyes that dripped like honey, and some dedicated to his passion, ever present like clouds but then struck with lightning.

It’s not love. At the very least not any kind he’s experienced before, but he thinks it could be.

“Have you been in love before?” Nursey asks, and he wouldn’t call his tone timid. Maybe he’d compare it to a mouse in the face of a lion. A rabbit, hiding stealthily from a snake, praying for a few more seconds of ignorant bliss.

“I don’t know if it’s love.” He admits. Nursey’s heart thuds against his ribcage, cracking the bones with every beat. The stars above shine like tiny, distant beacons of hope. “I know that no matter what happens I want him to be happy. Even if I can’t make him happy.”

His words are tiny in the air. Nursey wants to grab at them, rearrange the letters until the words don’t break his heart. Until Will’s voice is anything but small, broken. He’d sacrifice all his words just to rid Will of the resignation in his voice.

He wants to ask a million questions.

Because for as long as he’s known Will, he hasn’t completely decoded the meanings behind his words. He hasn’t analyzed enough of Will’s vocabulary to realize the complicated and treacherous foreshadowing behind every mumbled sentence. Hasn’t committed enough of his smiles to memory to know what his frowns symbolize. He isn’t sure if Will’s longing stares are directed at him or at a character he’s yet to meet.

“If he knows you, then he’s already happy.” Derek doesn’t know if his words are helping as much as he wants them to. But the uncertainty slips away when their fingers intertwine and Will is invading his space. His ribs are surely broken as his heart thuds painfully on. It’s a pain Derek knows will fade into something sweeter, or if the fates curse them, then it will fade into a jagged edge.

“I hope so.” Will speaks into his skin and Derek finds the sweet taste of love on the tip of his tongue.


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns to Nursey. Cups his face and speaks directly to him, as if the air around them will misconstrue his words into a threat or a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote another chapter. It kinda continues the last one, but not like directly.

“Does it still hurt?” He’s staring at the warped wood above his head. How Nursey had managed to claim the top bunk remained a mystery to them all.

“Yes, and I think it always will, at least a little.” Dex replies a little drunk on the moment. A little drunk on the tub juice. A little drunk on the warm feeling of his bed, in the arms of the gorgeous boy next to him.

“But you said you didn’t love him anymore.” Nursey’s confused. Dex can tell by the way his fingers fidget across his chest, and the way he turns his head to speak into Dex’s shoulder. Trying to muffle his words with something he loves.

Dex’s stomach soared, Dereck loved him.

“I don’t. But I used to. He had my heart in his hands. He was gentle while he cared, but when he stopped caring, he crushed it, and it won’t ever be the same. I gave him everything, and he won’t give it back. He chose someone else, even though he already had every piece of me. But time will heal me. Probably not completely, but to the point where it only hurts on the bad days. And I’m going to try to only have a few of those.” He turns to Nursey. Cups his face and speaks directly to him, as if the air around them will misconstrue his words into a threat or a fight.

Because those things have happened before. Words fell, unintentionally aggressive and provocative, starting a war of words before shifting into an apology. They have driven walls up between them. Created unnecessary picket lines that neither boy crossed until a compromise was reached.

Dex attempts a smile that is awkward and clumsy. But Nursey rewards him with a relieved chuckle, making his attempt at relieving the tension worth it. They don’t speak for several minutes. Letting the words sink into the walls, allowing whatever tension has arisen to subside. When he thinks it’s safe to talk without risking a word like a nuclear bomb he speaks.

“Does that bother you?” He asks, Nursey doesn’t respond at first. Instead he distracts himself by tracing the freckles located on the inside of his wrist. It tickles a little.

“No? Yes? It bothers me that he hurt you like that. It bothers me that you gave yourself to someone who didn’t deserve you.” He frowns at Dex’s wrist. As if his wrist was the source of all his pain. They fall into a silence once more, though it was not brought on by tension this time.

The silence isn’t truly silent. He can hear the old Haus creaking around them. Bitty’s voice trails up the stairs, he’s singing some Beyoncé song Dex doesn’t recognize. Holster and Ransom are visiting before heading back to Boston, and are currently reacquainting themselves with the attic. Which results in a symphony of bangs and rattles.

He’s not sure if he wants to know what’s happening in the attic or not.

Dex is only half sure that Chowder is out with Farmer. There’s also a possibility that he’s sleeping off this morning’s practice after last night’s study session. Either way his room remains the only silence in the Haus. Not even his and Nursey’s room is truly silent.

The subtle sounds of their own breathing supply a soundtrack to a nap that has yet to descend upon them. Or at the very least, not Dex.

“Do you think you’ll ever speak to him again?” Nursey asks. Dex considers the question, weighing the words he wants to use on his tongue. Testing the syllables before they’ve been spoken.

He’s reminded of a night a few weeks before. They’d both been high on the roof, staring off into space. He remembers every visceral moment, every goose bump tattooed onto his arms with a precision he’d never experienced before. The weight of the words, unspoken, lay on his tongue. Much heavier than his usually quips and retorts. Dex remembers interlocking their fingers, how unimaginably right it felt.

“No, besides why would I want to talk to him when I could talk to you?”


	3. Favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex feels his chest seize in way that should be painful but isn’t. He knows Nursey is a master of words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like idk how many of these I'm gonna write but it's possible I just got broken up with so like if more of these come out then they might suck more than this.

“You’re my favorite.” He said offhandedly.

“Favorite what?” He wondered aloud, pulling a lone earbud out of his ear. Nursey’s laying his head in Dex’s lap while making notes in the margins of a book he’s reading. Meanwhile Dex is alternating between working on a flawed code he’s been working on for almost a week now. Every so often he’ll go over the code aloud -Nursey nodding along as if he understands any part of what Dex is saying- until he realizes one of the mistakes and fixes it.

“Oh, well,” He chews his lip before continuing. Nursey’s fingers tap against the page he’s currently reading? Or reviewing? Dex isn’t sure. “Well, just that.” He replies and Dex is halfway through an eyeroll before Nursey elaborates. “My favorite pair of eyes to look into. My favorite name to see appear on my phone. My favorite way to spend an afternoon.” He gestures to the both of them. “Fill in the blank, Beautiful… I left it at favorite for a reason.”

Dex feels his chest seize in way that should be painful but isn’t. He knows Nursey is a master of words. That he can wield them like a weapon of mass destruction, obliterating every being unfortunate enough to lay before him. Or he uses them like a seductress portrays herself as innocent or sinfully gorgeous depending on what she desires. But he forgets how tender they make him feel. How utterly useless the walls he built are against Nursey’s words.

“You’re my favorite too.” He whispers back. Dex barely glimpses Nursey’s expression before he hears it.

“Chill.” Nursey has the audacity to giggle at Dex’s groan. He turns to Dex’s stomach, and uses it to muffle his erupting giggles. Dex nearly jumps out of his skin.

“You’re impossible.” He replies flicking Nursey’s ear. Nursey shoots him a pout considered criminal in Dex’s book.

“But you love me anyway.” He quips back with a gorgeous grin growing wider and tussled hair. Dex smiles back, probably just as wide and doubly dopey.

He remembers the looks that Jack and Bitty gave each other every time Jack visited. It usually resulted in money in the sin bin by the time Jack left to drive back up to Providence. A voice in the back of his head even yelled at himself to put money in the bin.

“Yeah, I do.”


	4. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they kiss for the first time they’re in a hotel room on a roadie.

When they kiss for the first time they’re in a hotel room on a roadie. The exhaustion is weighing heavy on their limbs after a well-deserved win. A cacophony of victory follows them through the halls as teammates fall into their own rooms. Performing their own ritualistic post-game routines.

Dex and Nursey tumble into their own room, eager beyond conscious thoughts. Something about this night is different. The air is inexplicably lighter though neither boy can put a label on why. They both shower and end up in the same bed.

Nursey’s practically glowing against the light of the cheap hotel lamp. Though poetry was never his art of choice Dex could feel words that waxed poetic sitting on the edge of his tongue. Galloping against his teeth, warring to escape. It’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

He grabs Nursey around the waist with trembling fingers. He is gentle, scared of hurting him.  Nursey laughs, the melody of a song Dex could listen to for the rest of his life.

“You know I’m not going to break, right? I’m not as delicate as you think I am.” But Dex isn’t sure about that. He remembers their screaming matches before they learned to care about one another. Reliable anger and frustration that runs just below the surface of his own skin, accompanying veins and arteries to the cage surrounding his heart. Dex knows how easy it is to fall back into anger, how much easier it would be to destroy this unsteady peace rather than forge something better. Something closer to what they both needed.

His words escape in a whisper. “I still feel like I’m going to break you. I can’t believe I’m doing this, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be-”

Nursey puts a finger to his lips, silencing him.

“Just shut up and kiss me.” He breathes. And Dex kisses him.

It’s not as electrifying as the first time he kissed a boy. It’s not as mindblowing as the moment he realized liking girls and boys was okay, that for some people it was even normal. It’s not as terrifying as the first time he heard the harsh words coming from someone he trusted. It’s none of these things, and all of them at the same time. Every butterfly in his stomach is finally escapiing

It’s not as electrifying as the first time he kissed a boy. It’s not as mind-blowing as the moment he realized liking girls and boys was okay, that for some people it was normal. It’s not as terrifying as the first time he heard the harsh words coming from someone he trusted. It’s none of these things, and all of them at the same time. Every butterfly in his stomach is finally escaping its cocoon. It’s a firework, an explosion of every adrenaline high he’s ever experience. The kiss is a drug he’s already addicted too.

He’s sure that when he looks back on this night, on this first kiss, that he’ll laugh and think about how they’ve had better kisses. This one kiss won’t light a candle to the other kisses, but right now, with Nursey’s arms pulling him closer and the exhilaration of their _first_ kiss.

It’s the best thing he’s ever experienced.


	5. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s no secret I’m in love with you.” He says, a bright light in his eyes and a crinkled paper in his hand.

“It’s no secret I’m in love with you.” He says, a bright light in his eyes and a crinkled paper in his hand. Nursey can feel himself swallow with a dry throat. He’s sweating and if he’s honest it’s incredibly difficult to stand up on stage, knowing that _he’s_ watching.

“Between your minimum wage job,

and sweet lips chapped from the bitter cold

that has become my eternity,” He swallows against the wave of pain threatening to scold his vocal chords, rendering him incapable of words he doesn’t wish to speak.

“But my god, do I miss the way you

crinkled the sheets and poured too much coffee

your words came undone with the touch of my lips

and your ribs shattered under the weight of the world

and all at once you went from everything to nothing

and my lungs filled with dirt and the dead flowers

that could easily be mistaken for my youth

and on the sixteenth day of my brokenness

I stitched myself back together; piece after piece

Diamonds hiding in the back of my head

reminding me of a boy that was once mine,” But once he does speak the words he finds he can’t stop. The piece of paper crumples under white knuckles, he doesn’t need it, his words have been painstakingly seared into his brain. He remembers wanting to scream these words from the rooftops when he’d arrived. He can perfectly recall every second, with _his_ eyes tracing over every inch of himself.

Nursey hadn’t spared him a glance.

“There is no longer a lanky you to crinkle my sheets

or drink all the coffee

but a void in my heart

and an emptiness on your side of the bed

I did not know I needed you until I had to suffer one-hundred and sixteen days without

your everything.” He doesn’t say thank you. He doesn’t bow. He simply steps away and walks away from the mic. Then away from the coffee shop. Nursey hears the rapid beat of old converse pounding against the pavement behind him.

So, he already knows who he’ll see when he turns around. Or at least he thinks he does.

Because when he turns around he sees a man with a constellation of freckles against a galaxy of pale skin and gorgeous amber eyes. The man is breathing hard, bracing himself against his knees as if standing is a struggle too difficult to withstand.

“Hi.” He eventually says sticking out his hand. “I’m Will.”

“I’m Derek.” Derek replies taking his hand in a handshake that feels like the start of something new. Both, balancing on the precipice of something new, something dangerous and exhilarating and unbelievably amazing.

“I uh, I swear I don’t usually do this but I was wondering if you’d want to get coffee sometime? It’s okay if you don’t but I really liked your poem and I’d like to get to know you better.” His smile is adorably crooked.

Something new skews his heartbeat. It might be because he notices _him_ trailing out of the coffee shop. Searching for Derek only to see him with someone else. Maybe it’s because Will’s chewing on his bottom lip, a nervous habit Derek already finds irresistible. Or it could be because Derek knows when he’s falling for someone. Always has, and probably always will. And right now? He’s falling, falling fast.

“I’d love too.”


End file.
